So it’s been a while….[blows dust off blog> Let’s jump right in……!!!
{Dramatic theme music, pushes ‘rain’ button} I MET A GUY. He was saved, good looking, focused, funny, and single. Not only that, he liked me and I liked him too. It went from calling to ‘check on ya’ to texting/talking every day. It was cool for me because I was myself with him and he sparked up a lot of the things. After a couple of months social networks were a zone for us to joke around and send cute messages to each other [aww ain’t that sweet] lol!!!!! He doesn’t live in my state so as time passed we discussed physically seeing each other and it was settled he would come to me.
FAST FORWARD….Everything had been going great…morning talks, goodnight texts, pet names (he called me cupcake cuz I’m small and filled with goodness. Lol…he made it up lol). It was about a month before he was to visit so of course, as a female, I went into planning mode. We didn’t want to do anything expensive expensive but as he said, ‘I don’t care as long as I’m with you hun’. So that month I had military training, which means busy business for me. I called him to let him know I made it home from training-2 hr ride. He didn’t answer (no biggie). Monday morning I didn’t get my good morning/have a great day text (kinda weird). Monday night I called, again no answer (o_O). Tuesday nothing. Wednesday I sent him a text (no response). Friday-Monday nothing. It felt strange talking to someone every day for months them BAM no contact {I was confused and disappointed]. He was a stickler for communication and he broke his own rule. What’s a girl to do???
The next Tuesday I texted him that I was calling and we need to talk. He said ‘ok’. SIDEBAR: I WAS STUPID NERVOUS AND A PART OF ME DIDN’T WANT TO CALL BUT SOMETHING IN ME NEEDED TO. SIGH. I’m not going to give every single detail of the conversation but here’s a summary. He was scared. Said he didn’t want a relationship. He didn’t say much but he apologized. The thing that got me was when I asked him when he sees me or thinks of me does he think of his girl or some ol usher at his church-he said his girl. So yeah….I was confused much????I teared up…really I did. Surprised me lol. I was UPSET not because of what he wanted but because of how he handled this. Basically I said don’t contact me at all. DO NOT. I will contact you when I’m ready (Mind you he sooooo broke that request.)
***CAUTION***TRANSPARENT TRUTH***EXTREME REALNESS****proceed with caution if you’re funny acting J lol
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| how i coped lol. sad but true! haha! slight exaggeration |
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| my expression through it all... |
IT TOOK ALL OF THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THE THOUGHT OF COMMUNION WAFERS NOT TO ACT LIKE ‘SISTA GIRL FROM ROUND THE WAY’……I mean this is Shavra. I’m a queen. You can treat them other women like that but ME, ME! NO SIR….<-----that didn’t happen! Praise God. During that Tuesday conversations my thoughts were: WHAT??? If you didn’t want a relationship why did you say you wanted more? Why did you mention you wanted to see me? Why the ‘cupcake’ness? Why the I can’t wait to see you? Oh and his favorite ‘where have you been all my life?’ I didn’t ask you to do any of this and now you’re scared. Ughh dude for real. You could’ve told me this back in the fall when we met. And he ‘just wanted to be friends’….FRIENDS. IS THERE LIKE SOME SWITCH FOR THAT?! I DON’T HAVE THAT….
I was hurt you guys. I feel like I didn’t deserve any of this. It would’ve been different if I did ask for it. ‘Please lead me along, tell me you’re going to visit, and then ALL of a sudden don’t.’ My heart was not OKAY. I believed him. I believed he was a man of his word. I believed his character was good. My mind knew his routine…what time he went to work(and the fact that he would call me and probably wasn’t even dressed and had to be there in 40 mins), what he liked for breakfast, when he worked out, when he got off, when when when when when…blah blah b-lahhhhhhh. No my mind automatically looked at the clock when he got off because he always texted me. ALWAYS. Now that’s all gone. How is my mind supposed to transition from this?
THIS SUCKSSSSSSSS!!! THIS SUCKSSSSSSSS!!!! GOD THIS SUCKSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! L !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I trusted him….turns out I shouldn’t have.
So HERE I AM TODAY…I’m good. Now the key to this blog. Well let me do some disclaimers:
#1-I left out things on purpose cuz most people just nosey. So if you have comments about what he or I should’ve done, it’s not needed J
#2-Don’t ask me who he is….!
#3-I’m not the hurt/angry black woman from a Tyler Perry film. Lol. Life goes on without him….
Alright, why did I write this? Because there are many out there like me. I feel ya fam! I wrote because now I have a greater compassion for those who just caught a bad deal. I tweet/fb from a real place. I write because some think I don’t have feelings or something lol. Many people don’t see this side of me so here ya go!!! I am glad I was hurt by him…why?! Maybe he can grow up from his mistakes and the girl he chooses to be with won’t be hurt by this. I don’t want my sister to deal with the lies and indecisiveness. My hurt will lead to her happiness. I’m glad.
Thank the Lord for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for comfort. Thank you Lord because you know. Thank you friends for putting up with my sadness and disappointment. Thank you Lord!!!
THE END.COM #LIGHTSout
#Random: i missed my dad during this time. just wished he was around...
