I had been praying for months for God to 'Make a way for the promises to be made manifest in my life. His promises to come to pass.' I had been asking for boldness and clarity to be able to see the door and walk through it when it was time. So yeah that OPPORTUNITY came this past weekend~December, 4, 2010~.
Wouldn't it be dope if I said POW I walked through that door and represented well?! That would be cool! To bad it didn't happen like that!
But what actually happened?
Could the very thing that I prayed for be to much for me to handle?
Was it REALLY a promise from God or was my stomach hurting from eating to much sweets the night before?
Am I really gonna chicken out NOW? Shavra...talking trash-trusting God Shavra!?!
I walked through the door and sat there for a minute and the fear that came upon me was ridiculous! I was scared! Not really scared of the fact that I walked through the door but I'm sitting on the other side of a comfortable prayer and it feels weird. I was standing in my destiny. So what did I do? Did I remain scared? Yep...well at least for a while anyway! :) For the remainder of the day I was searching of places or people to go to for the answer I desperately wanted: dvd rentals, music, writing, texting, tweeting, etc! They all failed. It wasn't all I'm scared! I'm scared! There was a consistent yet power voice in me, no doubt the Holy Spirit, saying 'I'm with You. I won't leave you. I will speak the Words the people need to hear.' Needless to say I struggled the rest of the night Saturday!
Sunday morning I was getting ready for worship and I just wasn't myself. I struggled to find what to wear...*HOLD UP* that's every Sunday! lol. Anyway I really wanted to go to church but my emotions were all over the place. Of course I pressed my way to church! I knew that's where I needed to be. During praise and worship I couldn't get with it. I just stood there and began to speak to God right where I was. *God is good* He began to take all of the fear way from me! Of course the tears were flowing! I had to kneel before Him because He's just awesome. He said, 'I won't leave you daughter. I'm big enough for your dreams and bigger than your fears. You say I am amazing and truly I am. You will see how amazing I am as you go on.' WOW! I thank you Lord for showing me YOU. I knew I needed you but how quickly fear vanished just by your Word.
I'm simply amazed! He's such a gracious and loving Father. He's just amazing! He's just amazing! So what now?! I'm determined to stay in my purpose and not run when I reach my destiny. #Standing Strong and moving forward!
Until next time...
Shavra
