YOU THINK YOU KNOW...

Me in '06

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

YAYYY LIKE SOME REAL LIFE GAME WE CAN CHANGE HER WAYS…ITS SUNDAY

C’MON, HAIR, AND A NEW SHIRT, NAH TUCK IT IN, I THINK THAT THIS WILL WORK

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

I MEAN OKAY WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL…SOME PEOPLE WHO CARED ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO HELP ME

BUT WERE THEY REALLY HELPING? THEY TOOK AN ISSUE OF SIN AND REJECTION AND PUT MAKE UP ON IT

HOW CAN SOMEONE TAKE A DEAD BODY AND PUT AN ALARM CLOCK ON MY HEAD AND MAD AT ME BECAUSE I AM STILL DEAD?

LIKE MORTICIANS PUTTING MAKE UP ON MY FACE, STIFFENING MY POSTURE, TO FIT A RELIGIOUS BOX, ALL TO COVER THE STENCH FROM MY DEATH

THE FOULNESS OF MY BREATH, *GASPING FOR BREATH, RASPING IS WHATS LEFT’

THEY TRIED TO SAVE ME AND RECOGNIZED I NEEDED DELIVERANCE

SO FOCUSED ON PUTTING ME IN A DRESS WHILE I WAS BEING EATEN BY LOCUSTS

AND I WHISPERED LIFELESS…’CAN SOME ONE PLEASE COME HELP ME? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE RESCUE ME?’

TRUTH WAS I DIDN’T HATE THE DRESSES, I HATED THE MESSAGE, I HAD TO COVER UP CUZ THAT DUDE HE KEPT ON MESSING

KEPT ON TOUCHING, SMILING AND GIGGLING, IT WAS DISGUSTING

THINGS WERE GETTING CRAZY SO  I WORE EXTRA BAGGY JEANS, AND SHIRTS THAT COVERED MY CHEST, AND TRIED TO BECOME UNATTRACTIVE LIKE HIM, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT MOVES WAS NEXT

SO YOU SEE, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL I LOVED BEING UGLY

ESPECIALLY IF THAT MEANT THAT HE WOULD STOP ASKING TO WATCH PORN WITH ME

ALL BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL,

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

YAYYY LIKE SOME REAL LIFE GAME WE CAN CHANGE HER WAYS…ITS SUNDAY

C’MON, HAIR, AND A NEW SHIRT, NAH TUCK IT IN, I THINK THAT THIS WILL WORK

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

LET ME TELL MY FATHER QUICK! BUT WAIT HE LEFT BEFORE I COULD EVEN SIT-UP ON MY OWN

THE BIGGEST THING THAT HE KEPT ON GIVING ME WAS REJECTION

I’M THE BLASTED SEED OF DEPRESSION, I’M OBESSED WITH A FACELESS MAN THAT MY MOM SLEPT WITH

MY DRESS WAS THE EXPRESSION OR MANIFESTATION OF CONCEPTION WITHOUT COMMITMENT

MISFIT WITH A DARK COMPLEXION, I LOOK AND I SEE YOU, INFECTED,

SEE I WAS BORN -STILL WITH MY MOTHER, STILL BORN TO ANOTHER

SO I WOULD STEAL TO BE BORN AGAIN, SEEKING THE LOVE FROM MY FATHER.............

When I came across this picture about a month ago I was shocked! I looked sooooo different! At first i was like 'jeez Shay' but i love this picture because it shows how good God is. That me back then was going so hard after God because I wanted to look like Him, glorious, beautiful. I was seeking hard after God and most are surprised at his picture because they didn't know me then, but when I say God is good, i don't say that as a pop phrase. He is! I shared a portion of a poem that I wrote called 'Dress Up Shay' because their are more women out there like me. Who looked like i did and may not feel they will ever get out of 'that' way of dress or thinking but I'm a witness. I declare that God can change you from the inside out. I pray this encourages someone....

That old me is dead, gone, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Love love,

Shepherdess

www.shepherdess33.bandcamp.com