YOU THINK YOU KNOW...

Me in '06

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

YAYYY LIKE SOME REAL LIFE GAME WE CAN CHANGE HER WAYS…ITS SUNDAY

C’MON, HAIR, AND A NEW SHIRT, NAH TUCK IT IN, I THINK THAT THIS WILL WORK

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

I MEAN OKAY WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL…SOME PEOPLE WHO CARED ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO HELP ME

BUT WERE THEY REALLY HELPING? THEY TOOK AN ISSUE OF SIN AND REJECTION AND PUT MAKE UP ON IT

HOW CAN SOMEONE TAKE A DEAD BODY AND PUT AN ALARM CLOCK ON MY HEAD AND MAD AT ME BECAUSE I AM STILL DEAD?

LIKE MORTICIANS PUTTING MAKE UP ON MY FACE, STIFFENING MY POSTURE, TO FIT A RELIGIOUS BOX, ALL TO COVER THE STENCH FROM MY DEATH

THE FOULNESS OF MY BREATH, *GASPING FOR BREATH, RASPING IS WHATS LEFT’

THEY TRIED TO SAVE ME AND RECOGNIZED I NEEDED DELIVERANCE

SO FOCUSED ON PUTTING ME IN A DRESS WHILE I WAS BEING EATEN BY LOCUSTS

AND I WHISPERED LIFELESS…’CAN SOME ONE PLEASE COME HELP ME? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE RESCUE ME?’

TRUTH WAS I DIDN’T HATE THE DRESSES, I HATED THE MESSAGE, I HAD TO COVER UP CUZ THAT DUDE HE KEPT ON MESSING

KEPT ON TOUCHING, SMILING AND GIGGLING, IT WAS DISGUSTING

THINGS WERE GETTING CRAZY SO  I WORE EXTRA BAGGY JEANS, AND SHIRTS THAT COVERED MY CHEST, AND TRIED TO BECOME UNATTRACTIVE LIKE HIM, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT MOVES WAS NEXT

SO YOU SEE, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL I LOVED BEING UGLY

ESPECIALLY IF THAT MEANT THAT HE WOULD STOP ASKING TO WATCH PORN WITH ME

ALL BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL,

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

YAYYY LIKE SOME REAL LIFE GAME WE CAN CHANGE HER WAYS…ITS SUNDAY

C’MON, HAIR, AND A NEW SHIRT, NAH TUCK IT IN, I THINK THAT THIS WILL WORK

THEY ALL SCREAM ‘LET’S DRESS UP SHAY’

LET ME TELL MY FATHER QUICK! BUT WAIT HE LEFT BEFORE I COULD EVEN SIT-UP ON MY OWN

THE BIGGEST THING THAT HE KEPT ON GIVING ME WAS REJECTION

I’M THE BLASTED SEED OF DEPRESSION, I’M OBESSED WITH A FACELESS MAN THAT MY MOM SLEPT WITH

MY DRESS WAS THE EXPRESSION OR MANIFESTATION OF CONCEPTION WITHOUT COMMITMENT

MISFIT WITH A DARK COMPLEXION, I LOOK AND I SEE YOU, INFECTED,

SEE I WAS BORN -STILL WITH MY MOTHER, STILL BORN TO ANOTHER

SO I WOULD STEAL TO BE BORN AGAIN, SEEKING THE LOVE FROM MY FATHER.............

When I came across this picture about a month ago I was shocked! I looked sooooo different! At first i was like 'jeez Shay' but i love this picture because it shows how good God is. That me back then was going so hard after God because I wanted to look like Him, glorious, beautiful. I was seeking hard after God and most are surprised at his picture because they didn't know me then, but when I say God is good, i don't say that as a pop phrase. He is! I shared a portion of a poem that I wrote called 'Dress Up Shay' because their are more women out there like me. Who looked like i did and may not feel they will ever get out of 'that' way of dress or thinking but I'm a witness. I declare that God can change you from the inside out. I pray this encourages someone....

That old me is dead, gone, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made!

Love love,

Shepherdess

www.shepherdess33.bandcamp.com

A Different Side of Shavra

So as some of you may know I'm in the process of recording and releasing my first album entitled 'Overcomer', be on the look out for that lol, so of course I had a photo shoot. I put a few pics up on facebook (fb search: theshepherdess). I just wanted to walk through a few extra photos just to show what was going through my mind at the time! Hope you enjoy!!!

Weeeeeeee!!!!!! Weeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Rock on wit cha bad self!

Go Shayyy! it's ya birthday! lol

This song in my head makes me dance *uh-huh* makes me dance *duh-huh*

You See this Look...that's all i have left! Take the pic Trey! take it!

Say do what now with this tree?? What?

Omgee what is she doing to meeee?!! #truth



Hope you enjoyed the pics and my thoughts!!!!!!
kisses!
Shepherdess

Me vs Pretty Girls: The Event

I remember I was about 9 or 10 years old and a family member stood me next to another female family member who was a few years older than me. We stood back-to-back and then faced forward. This person compared looks, facial structure, the shape of our bodies, hair...etc. I remember that person pointing out the fact that my breast and butt was non-existent. AGAIN I WAS LIKE 9 YEARS OLD...! O_o The other girl was about 12 or 13 and I'm sure she ate the chicken that was on steroids!!!!!! Yeah I'm sure!

But anyway I hated every minute of it. I was confused. I was hurt. I didn't know what the whole purpose of this 'demonstration' was. I was showed 'the' standard of a female body and I was critiqued on how bad I failed that standard. I was turned against the Pretty Girl and she didn't even know it. I was the looser. I was already kind of tom-boyish but I always wanted to be pretty but I didn't think that was possible. Really, I didn't...I didn't like naturally pretty girls...they had effortless beauty and that's something I would never have. Its hard to explain how that 'event' made me feel but I'm sure some of you can imagine how i felt. Can you imagine the impression it left on my heart??? A child's heart???

So what's the point in writing this? To show my dislike for pretty girls? lol...no that's not it! To put my family on front street? Nope that's not it either! Mainly for those who think that 5 minutes of fun won't effect a person. Cuz its been over 17 years and I still remember that moment. When I think of how powerful that moment could have been I just shake my head. That was the perfect opportunity to fill me with so much confidence! For 15 years the pretty girls was my enemy. The pretty girl was the reminder of how much I failed. The pretty girl was where I never would be. DO YOU STILL THINK IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY?? That sticks and stones jingle is a lie...Your words are powerful and impactful! Please use them wisely....

Shalom!
Shepherdess
Part II: The Cat Fight!!! Will be posted this week! :-) Stay Tuned